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When I woke up again, rosy-fingered dawn was fondling the horizon, teasing the sun into life. All the sexual innuendo I was surrounded with - well, what else were trees and streams, I ask you? - got my juices flowing and I headed off to the river for a quick bath and a bit of fishing. I had to feed Gabrielle's boundless appetite, in hopes that she would return the favour someday. And my appetite was way more boundless than hers.
I admit that the phrase ‘peace offering' might have slithered across my mind too.
When I got back, all freshly scrubbed and with a couple of snappers hanging from my arm, she was awake and bothering a tiny campfire into life.
"You're up early." I knew that to try and engage her in conversation was a highly dangerous strategy since Gabrielle and rosy-fingered dawn didn't usually get on too well. So I set about descaling and gutting the fish while she huffed and puffed onto the little reluctant flames.
She did, however, spare me a dirty look in between the fanning and puffing.
"Still not speaking to me, I see."
Another dirty look, and her flame blowing grew slightly more vigorous. She stuffed a few more twigs into the kindling embers.
"Boy. You must really hate me to not speak to me for so long." She grunted and gave me a little look of satisfaction. "Just being near me must be awful, all that hate bubbling away inside." She nodded and grunted again, stoked the fire and then eyed the single spitted fish I placed over the flames. "It's probably best if we don't associate any more. My mere presence could be doing untold damage to your spiritual well being." Her nose started snuffling as she picked up the delicate aroma of roasting fish. "You definitely won't be wanting this fish I caught for you."
"What?"
"It being from me and all. It would taste like ashes in your mouth, what with all the hate and me being a generally despicable person. And anyway, I'm sure it's bad for the karma to take a fish from a disbeliever."
"I'm sure I could get over it." The fish was really cooking now, its skin crisping up nicely and its flesh succulent.
"No, I couldn't let you do that. It's best all round, really, if we go our separate ways. I'm sure Eli can track you down a couple of turnips. He looks like a handy guy to have around."
"Turnips?" Her eyes bugged a little.
"I'll just stick with the fish. Forget I offered. I'm just being selfish again. Wasn't thinking of you at all."
"I think hate's a bit too strong. More like intense annoyance. And I'm sure I could get over it."
"No, I couldn't possibly ask you to..." I picked up the second fish and placed it over the fire.
"I suppose it would be the spiritual thing to do. Eli says holding grudges shrivels your soul up and makes it heavy so it can't fly to Heaven. He says you should forgive those who trespass against you."
"Trespass? Really? Oh well, if Eli says it, it must be alright." I picked up the first fish and held it out to her. She regarded me suspiciously before reaching out and taking the food from my palm. "I'm sorry." She paused, a piece of fish poised at her mouth. "I acted like a jerk last night, as usual."
Her eyes softened and she smiled at me. Immediately I felt better. "S'okay. I didn't really like Ming Tzu anyway. And I thought his wife was awful."
I rolled my eyes. "Gods, wasn't she? No wonder her mother ran off and left her. Must'a known she'd end up a whingeing piece of misery. Jeez, I'd run halfway across the world too if I thought I'd produced that."
"Xena, that's cruel." She licked her fingers clean. "Although you've got a point. Makes you wonder about the parents, doesn't it?"
"Must be a right pair of horrors." I tucked into my own fish. "Some people shouldn't be allowed to breed."
Just to prove that particular point, Eli awoke and sauntered over to the fire. Now there was a guy whose father should'a kept his hands in his pockets, if ya catch my drift. It was small comfort to know that his gene pool wouldn't be getting any wider, what with the vow of celibacy and all.
It better had be a vow of celibacy.
****
Which was more than could be said for Najara. The damn shameless hussy turned up late in the afternoon, all sparkly eyed and flushed about the face. She looked like the cat who had got her cream and everyone elses, all night and most of the morning.
I could barely bring myself to ask whether Ming Tzu had been the lucky guy. I was torn between curiosity and revulsion. Not to mention jealous as all Hades - hey, action was action and I'd been outta the game for so long now I was in danger of forgetting what to do with the ball. And didn't I just wanna be laying my hands on those two luscious spheres! Curiosity won out, after a long, hard battle. Turns out she'd been with one of Ming's guards. Honestly, she had such low standards - if she'd held out for a few yen more, she could'a had the head of his household.
Apparently, though, the Djinn had ordered it. I was starting to get a bit sceptical about all this Djinning. They seemed to pop up at the damnedest of times, and gave their holy seal of approval to all sorts of shenanigans - indulging the body's baser instincts, burning a few peasants, killing a few innocents in the guise of a holy crusade. All sounded a bit convenient to me. I mean, whoever heard of a God going all out for that sort of stuff? Except for Ares of course, who let's face it was a pretty cool and hot kinda guy, in a ‘depthless evil' sorta way. We'd bumped paths - and a good deal more - back in my heyday when I was still evil.
We pumped Najara for information but oddly enough, she didn't have much to report. Being as she'd spent most of the time there on her back in the barracks. She was worse than me, which pissed me off no end, mainly ‘cos I wasn't able to be as bad as me any more.
Mourning my lost carefree youth, I missed the rest of the interrogation. Which meant I missed the plan being hatched until Gabrielle jabbed me in the ribs and brought me painfully back to my senses.
"Xena, are you listening? Najara's agreed to go back there tonight and to scout around a bit. Now that we're all banned from the palace, she's our only hope."
"Sure, what's the plan? Serving girl? Hawker?"
"No! She's having an affair with one of the soldiers. She can get in, have a poke around, speak to a few people and see what she can find. Is there anything in particular she should be looking for?" All three of them turned eager eyes up to me.
"That's a good plan, Gabrielle! Well done." She preened a bit. "Yes, see what you can find out about the second Mrs Tsu. Particularly her relationship with Ming Tien."
"Do you suspect something Xena?"
"Yeah, I suspect she's a right spoiled brat. She also strikes me as a smart cookie, with ambition and cunning in spades. Let's find out about her. Who does she hang around with? What does she do with her spare time? Where does she buy her outfits? I can't believe anyone sells those brown sacks and calls ‘em clothes. Okay, I suppose that isn't too important right now. How did she and Ming Tzu meet? Where was she the day Ming Tien disappeared?"
Najara's eyes glazed. "I'll never remember all that. I'll have other things on my mind."
"Won't the Djinn remind you?"
"Those buggers better stay well out of my head when I'm doing the dirty. Write it down. I might get a few spare moments. If I do, I'll make a few discrete enquiries."
"You better be discrete." Personally, I had my doubts that discretion figured in this whacko's vocabulary. "Now that the lifetime bans are on again, you're our only man on the inside."
"What Xena means..." Gabrielle stepped in hastily. "Is that we really, really need you to come through for us. I can't tell you how grateful we'll be. All of us. Particularly me."
Najara brightened considerably at this. "Just how grateful is that?"
"Not that bloody grateful," I growled, steering her away from our little lodging house and back towards the river.
"Ah well, never mind." She waved airily, and disappeared into the scrub. Moments later, we spotted her waving at us from the bridge. When she got to the other side, she lifted her skirts, mooned us and then crossed the threshold.
So much for the religious life. I dunno what kind of spirits those Djinn were, but a body would make a fortune if they could bottle ‘em.
****
We had the rest of the day to while away until Najara came back from her secret
mission - that was the spying bit. The bonking bit wasn't so secret. So Gabrielle
and Eli devoted themselves to poring over their dusty old scrolls and hypothesising
about the existence of Higher Powers (which was ridiculous ‘cos everyone
knew the Gods were the highest powers a body could get - I mean, have you tried
to climb Olympus?) and debating about the best way of finding the Path to Inner
Peace and True Enlightenment.
It was all getting a bit too enriching for me, so I retired to the river bank to sharpen my sword, practice my juggling, have a nap and scratch my butt. I also washed my hair. Then I fished a little, but added to the challenge by not using any bait. Or a rod.
My catch was growing steadily. I cracked my knuckles and set to again, trying for an eel this time, when I was disturbed by a rustling in the reeds; the sound of somebody very obviously trying not to be noticed. I didn't get to the best investigator in the business by not spotting when I was being spied on, so I played it cool. I'd string the line, set the bait (me) and wait for the suckers to be lured in. I knew it wouldn't take long, what with me being totally irresistible and all. For a moment, I got a bit carried away with imagining that it was Gabrielle lurking in the bushes, waiting to get me on my own and then pouncing, all wild with insatiable lust. Then I heard her droning - meditating, she called it - away back in the little hut we were staying in, so that was another fantasy cruelly dashed.
I hitched up my skirt and hoped for the best anyway.
I leaned down to tickle another fish, giving my butt a little wiggle as I did so. If that didn't draw them out, I just don't know what would.
Iron. I tell ya, hard as pure iron. All that butt jiggling never made no difference - in fact, I could almost swear I heard laughing from those damn reed beds. I musta been mistaken ‘cos obviously it weren't no human in those reeds. I was figuring it was some animal snuffling after my fish when the damn reeds coughed. That did it for me. I was fed up with all the game playing and the ass wiggling had nearly had me in the river, so I hauled them outta there derriere over tit and dumped them on the bank beside me.
Damn me if it weren't the sulky teen herself, giving me daggers and rubbing her bony little teenage butt as she levered herself off the ground. I knew immediately what was going on. I mean, it wasn't like I'd never been stalked before. Girl like me has more than her fair share of admirers. Not usually this young, I'll grant you that, but sometimes these teen types got all starry-eyed over a mature woman of the world. Not that I was that mature, you understand - after all, I was only in my late twenties. Late twenties, I said! I was a woman of the world. I'd gathered life experiences. I had wisdom. I'd been around the block a few times.
Obviously, she looked on me as a mentor. Or a sex symbol. Possibly a sexy mentor. That was okay - I could be a sexy mentor to a needy sulky teen. I smiled graciously, and she paled a little.
"Oh Gods, not you again! Whaddaya want?" Okay, so I was going for gracious but it came out more waspish. "Get the Hades outta here before I kick your skinny little teen butt back to Ming."
"Want me out of your life?" Jeez, what was it with this chickette? She had a sackful of attitude that could bring castle walls down if lobbed at the right places.
"I want you out of my fish. That's our dinner. Have you seen Gabrielle eat?"
"That would suit you, wouldn't it? Throw me aside like a smelly old fish that no-one wants. Get the unpleasant stench out of your hair. That would fit in with your plans."
Plans? Only thing I was thinking ahead about was whether to fry or spitroast these little sprats tonight. Jeez, what is it with teens? Why do they always have to be soooo dramatic? It's just me, me me. I heaved a sigh and moved the fish aside.
She tossed her hair about huffily. That's another thing with teens, I've noticed. Always with the hair tossing. She did have lovely hair though - thick and dark, like liquid jasper flowing down her back. Uncannily like mine, as a matter of fact.
"Look sweetheart," I began, tossing my fish into a bucket and heaving it onto my shoulders. "I dunno what you want but unless you've got information pertaining to the disappearance of Ming Tien, I ain't interested. I'm on a tight schedule here." I started to move back towards the hut, but she grabbed onto my arm. Her eyes were ablaze with teen angst.
"Ming Tien's the closest thing I have to a family here, thanks to you! Do you have any idea what you did to me?"
"Hey, that crispy duck was going spare! Nobody would'a noticed it was missing!"
"I'm talking about us, and all you can think of is a duck? What the hell kind of mother are you anyway?"
There was a stunned silence, broken by a gasp behind me. I turned - funny how things always go slow-mo at times like this, don't you find? I felt like I was in a chariot crash, watching my life flash before me. It took a while to finish flashing - I'd had a very eventful life already - and by the time my eyes cleared, I could see Gabrielle framed in the doorway, her hand plastered across her mouth and a look of absolute shock in her eyes.
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
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